Short ribs have sauce on them, and I'm taking a diuretic.
Recently I had one of those problems only we males have. My wife and I were out to dinner with some of our friends. I ordered pork ribs which were dripping with sugary BBQ sauce. I was able to keep almost all of the sauce off my clothing, but my face and hands felt like I had been bathing in the stuff. While the restaurant provided a fairly high-quality paper napkin, it provided only one.
Coinciding with this event was my need to be aware how long I could go without using the bathroom. My doctor concerned with my tendency to retain water has prescribed a diuretic which causes me to need to go to the bathroom often.
Might I add, that need is also accelerated if I have my occasional non-alcohol beer. When I quit drinking alcohol in 1982, I ended my career as a fairly high functioning alcoholic. In the early stages of my abstinence, I stayed away from bars and maintained vigilance at social occasions that presented booze.
As my resolve became more of a cautious lifestyle, I learned I could enjoy these situations. I learned to shrug off the occasional Virgin Mary and tonic water with lime that arrived at the table with alcohol in them. While I returned them to the bar, I learned that slight sip I took didn't lead to a relapse. So it was a good day when they started brewing non-alcohol beer. I could now enjoy a cold one now and than.
On this occasion, the beer was a natural partner with those sweet savory pork ribs. The problem is here I am hands covered with BBQ Sauce, I've had an NA Beer, and my medication is working on my bladder. Let me say now that it's the beer that sends us to the head, gentlemen not the alcohol.
Soon, it became apparent to me that I had underestimated the problems created by the abundant excess of BBQ sauce and overestimated my ability to control my bladder.
I got out of my seat and began to make my way to the "men's room". While in route, I contemplated my dilemma. Do I wash my hands before I take care of business and avoid transferring BBQ sauce to my privates or do I attend to the demands of my pulsing bladder? If I do the latter how do I take care of the sauce on my "junk"?
I have never seen a man washing his penis in a men washroom in my life and trust me, with all my visits to public bathrooms, I've witnessed my share of crazy behavior.
Here's the other thing no matter what my decision is, given the previously mentioned scenario, I will have to wash my hands twice.
Solution: I'm right handed, and the majority of the sauce was on that hand. I was able to lick my fingers to clean enough of the sauce from my left hand and take care of the situation. After all, my wife expects to see food stains on my pants, so the little BBQ sauce that transferred as I learned to zip and tuck with my non-dominate hand was not unexpected.
Warning: This was done by a professional slob. Do not try to do this on your own without competent instruction.
Recently I had one of those problems only we males have. My wife and I were out to dinner with some of our friends. I ordered pork ribs which were dripping with sugary BBQ sauce. I was able to keep almost all of the sauce off my clothing, but my face and hands felt like I had been bathing in the stuff. While the restaurant provided a fairly high-quality paper napkin, it provided only one.
Coinciding with this event was my need to be aware how long I could go without using the bathroom. My doctor concerned with my tendency to retain water has prescribed a diuretic which causes me to need to go to the bathroom often.
Might I add, that need is also accelerated if I have my occasional non-alcohol beer. When I quit drinking alcohol in 1982, I ended my career as a fairly high functioning alcoholic. In the early stages of my abstinence, I stayed away from bars and maintained vigilance at social occasions that presented booze.
As my resolve became more of a cautious lifestyle, I learned I could enjoy these situations. I learned to shrug off the occasional Virgin Mary and tonic water with lime that arrived at the table with alcohol in them. While I returned them to the bar, I learned that slight sip I took didn't lead to a relapse. So it was a good day when they started brewing non-alcohol beer. I could now enjoy a cold one now and than.
On this occasion, the beer was a natural partner with those sweet savory pork ribs. The problem is here I am hands covered with BBQ Sauce, I've had an NA Beer, and my medication is working on my bladder. Let me say now that it's the beer that sends us to the head, gentlemen not the alcohol.
Soon, it became apparent to me that I had underestimated the problems created by the abundant excess of BBQ sauce and overestimated my ability to control my bladder.
I got out of my seat and began to make my way to the "men's room". While in route, I contemplated my dilemma. Do I wash my hands before I take care of business and avoid transferring BBQ sauce to my privates or do I attend to the demands of my pulsing bladder? If I do the latter how do I take care of the sauce on my "junk"?
I have never seen a man washing his penis in a men washroom in my life and trust me, with all my visits to public bathrooms, I've witnessed my share of crazy behavior.
Here's the other thing no matter what my decision is, given the previously mentioned scenario, I will have to wash my hands twice.
Solution: I'm right handed, and the majority of the sauce was on that hand. I was able to lick my fingers to clean enough of the sauce from my left hand and take care of the situation. After all, my wife expects to see food stains on my pants, so the little BBQ sauce that transferred as I learned to zip and tuck with my non-dominate hand was not unexpected.
Warning: This was done by a professional slob. Do not try to do this on your own without competent instruction.
that's one mental image a granddaughter never needed to have
ReplyDeleteOr anyone, as far as that goes.
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