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Teed Off

No, I'm not going to rant about politics Certainly, we have no problem ingesting the crap that is in that area. We need only go to the internet or cable news station and listen and watch the reality show that passes for government.

No today I'm reminiscing about golf. You know that silly game where grown men dress in ridiculous colored clothing and chase a small, hard white ball around a field occasionally hitting it with sticks with specialized metal ends on the end of the shafts. Crazy what?

Golf clothing is an important part of the game.

There are some things non-golfers should know about the pastime and golfers might want to revisit. Appropriate clothing for golf is like any other activity. The player that comes to the course in blue jeans and a collarless shirt is an amateur and more often than not a weekend player. If he comes in shorts he is definitely a weekend player or a caddie.

Players wear long pants and a collared polo shirt. Players wear a billed cap or visor with the bill forward. Their sunglasses are tipped back behind their ears, unless in use. Their glove (left hand only for right-handed players reverse for left-handed players) when not in use is folded neatly and place fingers out and tucked into their rear pocket.

(For the uninitiated: if you don't get the picture here, imagine a guy in a sports coat, turtlenecked shirt, and dockers with tennis shoes showing up at a formal dinner where everyone else is in a tuxedo.)

Now, this affectation is an opportunity for men, in particular, to channel their inner inhibitions into outer exhibitions. You will see some players wearing pink shirts or caps to support breast cancer awareness. At least that's what they tell you. My personal opinion is that it's just an excuse to wear pink.

Then there is the Rickie Fowler approach. This young and very talented player must have a semi-trailer - tractor following him with an array of combinations of shirts, pants, and shoes in virtually any color you can imagine as long as they are fluorescent.

If you have consistently high scores? There is a club for that.

Another aspect of golf that is often misunderstood is that if you are a bad player (If you have 20 handicaps or higher) buying new clubs will not improve your game. I'm a bad player. I've been playing golf since I was nine years old. I could probably play a round of golf with a hockey stick and get the same score as I do with the bag full of clubs that I haul to the course every round I play.

Somehow, players at my level think that the reason Phil Mickelson, Jordan Spieth, Justin Thomas and Jason Day play better than we do is because they have better clubs. Well, these players are just plain wrong but I've got it figured out. It's not the clubs. It's the bag they put them in. How do I know? I can't explain it or prove it, but I bought a new bag and I had my career best round the next time I played.

Time, you've got. Skill, forget about it.

Playing golf takes a lot of time. My answer to that claim is simple. Playing golf can be fun. At the very worst, you take a walk in the fresh air with some friends. If you're waiting for a bus in the dead of winter, passing time in the front room waiting for your wife to get ready to go out for the evening or watching a baseball game. Those are things that take a lot of time and don't produce a lot of benefits.

Golf is an addiction. I've quit twice and come back determined that if I just practiced more, if I bought a decent set of clubs, and played more, I would get better. So there we are, doing the same thing hoping for different results. Insanity.

What I've found out is that playing better gives me some satisfaction, but it's not really why I play. When you are on a golf course you are practicing a tradition. This tradition goes back for many years. It's a game of honor. Golfers take their own penalties. There are no referees. The rules are in the book and no one intentionally breaks them. If they do and it's observed, they are judged to be of poor character.

I've played the game most of my life and I have learned much of what I consider life lessons by missing a two-foot putt or snapping a five iron out of the sand ending up inside six feet of the pin. The Goddess of Golf is a fickle bitch to be sure but when she smiles on you it is feeling of warmth like no other.

From the range, hitting my five iron and with my head down this is Poppa Jeff
Bonjour!

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